2018-09-02 00:48:33 UTC
Youre not a real American unless youre wearing a red, white, and blue bikini
while lighting off red, white and blue roman candles out of your nostrils as you
sport a huge tattoo of the raising of the flag at Iwo Jima on your right
asscheek. Hence, the Neil Armstrong biopic First Man, starring Ryan Gosling, has
already been called un-American by failed 2016 presidential candidate Marco
Rubio and Breitbart for not including the lunar planting of the flag scene.
Youve probably already stopped reading this to muse about Ryan Gosling in a
bikini. Me too.
The Daily Beast reports that Breitbart ran a story critical of First Man
entitled Neil Armstrong Movie Starring Canadian Ryan Gosling Doesnt Feature
American Flag. And Marco thought it was the best use of his time to tweet the
following after reading a Business Insider article about the movie:
This is total lunacy. And a disservice at a time when our people need reminders
of what we can achieve when we work together. The American people paid for that
mission,on rockets built by Americans,with American technology & carrying
American astronauts. It wasnt a UN mission.
Neil Armstrong movie 'First Man' omits the American flag being planted on the
moon, and star Ryan Gosling defended the decision: 'I don't think that Neil
viewed himself as an American hero' https://read.bi/2C0Xfuv
5:21 AM - Aug 31, 2018
Whats not clear is whether or not any of these esteemed critics have seen the
movie. Variety reports that, during a press conference for the movie at the
Venice Film Festival, Ryan Gosling was asked about the planting of the flag not
being included in the movie. The polite Canadian dared to refer to the moon
landing as a human achievement as opposed to being yet another of the thousands
of examples of Americas superiority over the rest of the planet.
I think this was widely regarded in the end as a human achievement [and] thats
how we chose to view it. I also think Neil was extremely humble, as were many of
these astronauts, and time and time again he deferred the focus from himself to
the 400,000 people who made the mission possible.
And this is the man who directed the brilliant opening scene of La La Land on
the highway with all the dancing, so shut up, Marco Rubio. And Neil Armstrongs
kids Rick and Mark Armstrong had to get involved, too. They had to get involved
because peoples priorities are as askew as the current presidents hair!
"Weve read a number of comments about the film today and specifically about the
absence of the flag planting scene, made largely by people who havent seen the
movie. As weve seen it multiple times, we thought maybe we should weigh in.
"This story is human and it is universal. Of course, it celebrates an America
achievement. It also celebrates an achievement for all mankind, as it says on
the plaque Neil and Buzz left on the moon. It is a story about an ordinary man
who makes profound sacrifices and suffers through intense loss in order to
achieve the impossible.
"In short, we do not feel this movie is anti-American in the slightest.