2018-12-27 17:04:58 UTC
After being shamed into visiting the troops around Christmastime, President
Artie Langes Coke Nose boasted to American troops in Iraq about the 10 percent
pay raise he fought for to make sure soldiers were taken care of because had it
not been for a doctor writing a bogus bill of health to keep him out of Vietnam,
hed would have been right there with them.
You just got one of the biggest pay raises youve ever received, Trump said in
remarks at the Al Asad Air Base during his surprise trip to Iraq on Wednesday,
NBC News reports. You havent gotten one in more than 10 years more than 10
years. And we got you a big one. I got you a big one.
Maybe the troops didnt hear President FuFu Lactavious remarks as they cheered.
But the truth is the president didnt do shit.
NBC News notes:
Troops will receive a 2.6 percent not 10 percent pay hike for 2019; they got
a 2.4 percent pay hike in 2018.
Whats more, American troops have received a pay hike every year for decades.
2019's raise is the largest in nine years.
Military pay raises are tied to increases private-sector wages, as calculated by
the Department of Labor. Congress can also enact raises that exceed that rate,
But when has the president of people who watch the NFL ever let the truth get in
the way of patting himself on the back?
Trump not only told the troops that he got them a fictional raise but he made up
a scenario in which people didnt want to give them a raise, but he fought the
fictional opposition for the troops because thats the kind of stand-up guy he
They said, You know, we could make it smaller. We could make it three percent.
We could make it two percent. We could make it four percent. I said, No. Make
it 10 percent. Make it more than 10 percent, Trump told the troops. Its been
more than 10 years. Thats a long time. And, you know, you really put yourselves
out there, and you put your lives out there. So congratulations.
Reports note that Trump has never lost a fictional fight. As it stands, he came
close to losing a make-believe battle against a bear with the head of a dragon
but in the end, Trump raised the dragonbears rent and, after filing several
grievances with the court, the bear was forced to move out.
No force in history has done more for the cause of justice and peace, Trump
told the service members. We are always going to protect you. And you just saw
that because you just got one of the biggest pay raises youve ever received.
Except they didnt. But dont let any of this stop you from enjoying a feel-good
story about a shamed president being forced to visit troops and money he never
gave them but claimed he did.