2018-06-04 01:46:42 UTC
We have now reached Chapter 24 of the Mysterious Disappearance of Melania, who
was last seen in corporeal form on May 10. Melania has been missing for so long
Ive almost forgotten what she looks like (which, if certain rumors are true, is
possibly the point? IDK!) Todays Melania update: FLOTUS will not be attending
this weeks G7 summit in Quebec, or the Singapore summit with North Korean
leader Kim Jong Un on June 12, though in all fairness, Im unconvinced anyone
will attend the latter, surgery for a benign kidney condition or not.
But seriously, WHERE IS SHE???
This past weekend, Melania skipped out on traveling to Camp David with Donald
Trump, though she, like the rest of his subjects, was able to experience it
vicariously via his James Comey tweet diarrhea, assuming she even has current
access to the outside world. She also missed a Memorial Day wreathing at
Arlington Cemetery last week. And now, she is missing the G7 summit, an event
she enjoyed so much last year she nearly let Donald touch her hand at it.
FLOTUSs spokesperson, Stephanie Grisham, has repeatedly assured reporters that
Melania is doing really well and is very busy having internal meetings with
staffers and planning a picnic. CNBC reporter Eamon claims to have spotted
Melania walking with her aides in the West Wing last week, but without
photographic evidence, I dont know what to believe.
Stay tuned for updates on this increasingly odd game of Carmen Sandiego, which
will probably end with at least one person stealing the U.S. Constitution and
selling it for gold.
Update 9:36 p.m.: We have here a new development.
CNN Breaking News
Melania Trump plans to attend a White House event Monday to honor Gold Star
families, her spokeswoman says, her first official event since May 10
6:28 PM - Jun 3, 2018
Ill believe it when I see it.